I can’t either.” I admitted.“I need to know where this is going. I will not be able to stop wondering when you will come to my room or ask me to join you. I thought about this all day. We either need to stop completely right now, or you need to let me know exactly what you expect from me. I want you to be happy, but I can’t just be on call whenever you feel you need me, not after last night. I won’t be able to stay in this house if I have to be near you and always wonder if you will want to be with me like that again. I’m afraid to even kiss your cheek because of what I may do.”John was right. I manipulated and used him to fill that empty spot in my life with little regard for the consequences. How could I have been so naive as to have thought that I would only have phone sex with John when I wanted to or believe that I could call him into my room or go to his room only when I was in the mood? We have been very physical with each other. Each time I allowed myself to go further than. "Needless to say, I had ulterior motives with the whole massage thing. Sounds devious,But this was my shot to see if the interracial thing might actually happen.I didn't actually make the massage reservations until we got down there. I wanted to go in person and feel the place out to see what kind of possibilities it had. I asked the receptionist what the "Erotic Massage" was and she said I would need to talk to Michael. She sent me back to his office and he welcomed me in. Michel was a handsome guy, about 30, maybe 6 feet tall, muscular and black. We sat down and he explained the various massage offerings, including the Erotic one. He has been a ther****t for 10 years and is certified by all the top agencies in the biz. He said he moved to the island 2 years ago after going there for his own vacation. When he realized he could make 5 times more money than he was making in Boston, he decided to stay.Michael asked what I was looking for and I explained. For some reason, I felt at ease.
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